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MUSICAL HETERO (lyrics)
I'M A BROADWAY BABY
I LOVE THE GREAT WHITE WAY
LOVE TO KICK, LOVE TO TAP
LOVE TO BOW WHEN THEY CLAP
LOVE TO BELT OUT A BALLAD TO THE BALCONY
BUT LADIES, LADIES, LADIES
DON'T RULE OUT A SERIOUS FLIRTATION
BASED ON A FALSE ASSUMPTION
ABOUT MY SEXUAL PERSUASION...
I'M IN A MUSICAL
BUT I'M HETERO
YOU GOTTA KNOW
THAT I'M STRAIGHT
I EAT ALL THAT MANLY STUFF UP WITH A SPOON
LIKE BROADS AND BOOZE
WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME
DON'T THINK OF TOMMY TUNE
THINK TOM CRUISE
WAIT, BAD EXAMPLE
CAN'T I SING
IN A PLAY A BIT?
I'M NOT GAY A BIT
NOT AT ALL
I IMPLORE YOU NOT TO JUDGE ME
IF I FIND A SONDHEIM SCORE FUN
I'M HETERO, AVAILABLE
AND I'M THE ONLY ONE
I'M IN A MUSICAL
(HE'S IN A MUSICAL)
BUT I'M HETERO
(WE CAN VOUCH FOR HIM)
YOU GOTTA KNOW
(WHAT'S THAT?)
THAT I'M STRAIGHT
(WE'RE HETERO, TOO)
I EAT ALL THAT MANLY STUFF UP WITH A SPOON
LIKE BROADS AND BOOZE
(AND TITS AND FARTIN')
WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME
DON'T THINK OF TOMMY TUNE
OR TOM CRUISE
(OR RICKY MARTIN)
CAN'T WE DANCE
IN A PLAY A BIT?
WE'RE NOT GAY A BIT
NOT AT ALL
AND EVEN IF I SLEEP WITH EV'RY MAN
WHO'S IN THE SHOW
IT DON'T MEAN A THING
REMEMBER THIS IS THEATER
AND THAT'S WHAT YOU DO
A GUY CAN BE A HOMO
AND HETERO, TOO
AND FOUR TIMES OUT OF FIVE
I'M INCLINED TO GO HETERO
(HETERO HETERO HETERO HETERO
NOT GAY)
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